+2021.06.08. Reading "False Self: The life of Masud Khan" -- why name an author I do not personally know, except for book ordering information? --, I think I should start a Work Book, like MMRK, before it is too late for me. So here it starts. / How could Khan have any religion since he seemed such a very smart person? / Two petty females harmed MMRK greatly: (1) Frances Gitelson (p. 157) bitching about a private letter Khan wrote which was none of her business anyway and she should have kept her self-righteousness to herself, and (2) Clare Winnicott (p. 229). Petty people are always harming their betters. / "People" are not fully(?) persons, or at least they are not thinkable, because only self-reflective thinking can really be thought: "Hammurabi's children made their house of slavery's bricks imprimatured by some mad priest's imagined good. The good is gone, the priest stamps on...." (George Delury).
+2021.06.09. "You can have it, but what can you do with it?" Homer Simpson reading a surgery textbook because nobody else is available to do an emergency appendectomy.
+2021.06.10. I cannot tolerate grit. When I was a child I did not want to get sand between my toes "at the beach" -- "the beach" was a place I never wanted to go to. Nor did I ever like "the people" "at the beach", including the adult males who were not decently clothed: Everybody suck on their bared nipples! Do "people" enjoy beaching or do they just pretend to themselves and to each other that they are having fun?. Grit in precision machinery is a show stopper, but it doesn't matter in a bucket of concrete for a pair of "lead shoes", does it?
+2021.06.11. Third party v. first party pronouns. What will BRADFORD do today? What will I (BMcC[18-11-46-503]) do today? How will the two of us/them interact today? How I wish I lived in a social surround where I didn't need BRADFORD to try to protect me from it! Alma mater and so forth....
+2021.06.13.Up to page 321 of Khan book. ("The nine lives of a cat" -- I like cats.) Khan is going to hell in a handbasket. To say;" I am false to my back teeth", as the saying goes: doesn't compute. What makes a sensitive, intelligent person proud of hating themself? I think Khan's problem is he is a "prisoner of childhood" (see p. 314). He has toxic introjects from his childhood and he needs, maybe, to curse his father and/or mother. It's OK to hate your parents; try it, you might like it, and they're dead anyway, so you can't hurt them even if you try.
+2021.07.11. For the past year I have worn only shoes with no heels, due to my problem with edema in my ankles. Yesterday I found a pair of shoes with regular heels ("Cat's paw", etc.). Walking in them is somewhat awkward: my feet want to slide forward and my whole body feels like it is being pushed forward. I think: This is how women must feel wearing high heels, except for the sexual arousal part, of course, for Allah gave 9 tenths of sexual pleasure to women, which makes it all too understandable why males -- the genetically weaker and expendible gender -- hate women, fear women, try to suppress women's sexuality, etcetera and so forth, in their repressed unhappiness with their (e.g., my) fate in life.
+2021.08.08. Typo of the day: "In downtown Chappaqua, my daughter once met Mr. Clinton. Both were very friendly." Should have had: "Mr. Clinton and his dog".
+2021.08.10. Husserl and Heidegger. Starting to read Bruzina. Of course beings exist within a horizon of Being. But that whole problematic of thought has its place within a person's living life. Therefore the question: How do I judge Being? I think Being is not good. Before Adolf Hitler, Being was Heidegger's Fuhrer, yes? Heil Being! (I vote for personal creativity.)
Every time I hear Bruce Springsteen on the radio I think: He probably lives longer in one day than I lived in10 years as a wage-slave computer programmer wasting my lifetime. For any finite value of "x", x times zero is zero.
+2021.08.17. I Ching. 57. Sun / The Gentle (The Penetrating, Wind). "...In human life it is the penetrating clarity of judgment that thwarts all dark hidden motives.... The judgment: 'The gentle. Success through what is small. It furthers one to have some place to go. It furthers one to see the great man.'" (I obviously should write more here.) Who is the great man? Does this refer to reading about Husserl and Fink. Or, horror of horrors: the ADLB who, as I write these words, is visiting USA from England? ←The immediately preceding sentence shows I open myself to thoughts I don't like.
+2021.08.19. I Ching. 16. Yu / Enthusiasm. "It furthers one to install helpers and to set armies marching." To motivate people you need to align what they want and what you want: "Only such laws as are rooted in popular sentiment can be enforced, while laws violating this sentiment only arouse resentment.".
+2021.09.26. I haven't made any entries here for a while (obviously). I now have my own website so whatever happens to APtS, I have my own copy of all I've done here, and also I can also publicize it: here; I also have an email account there: firstname.lastname@example.org. All this computer programming and other computer stuff has been very stressful for me; and it has cost me two days away from , too. Life is short; computer programming is addictive; I have PTSD from computer programming jobwork. ing
+2021.09.27. This day I moved an immovable rock. The rock had appeared to be immovable and maybe even a small boulder. I kept digging out the dirt and smaller rocks around it and cut a 3/8 inch diameter tree root near it. But the rock did not budge. Then I dug out more around it and tried to move it yet again, and: It just barely budged! I kept moving my little lever (a small gardening tool) back and forth and the rock moved more and more. It's probably too heavy for me to lift it out of the ground, but I placed a small rock under it to wedge it up from its original position to prove I really had moved it. I am physically very weak and did not even really break a sweat: just repetitive small actions which unexpectedly did accomplish something big. My [now successful...] war of attrition against the rock.
+2021.10.02. Yesterday morning I encountered a neighbor and wanted to talk but she snapped back at me that she was very busy and had no time to talk. She is in her 20's: She has a lot of time [to live] but she has no time [to talk]. Me and my elderly French neighbor lady (who is 87 years old), we have little time [to live] but we have a lot of time [to talk]. What is needed is a ot of both.
+2021.10.05. I got my Covid-19 "booster" shot yesterday. Shot number 3. Will it save me from Covid-19? I don't know. But it's all they are offering and I took it when I found out by accident I could get one, now. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? "Vaccination" is a big word; it has 4 syllables. Maybe such a big word scares a lot of πολλοι (2-legged sheep)? Baaa.
+2021.10.05.1. In the afternoon, day completely changed: A 91 year old step-relative fell in the supermarket and was hospitalized (broken femur) so I had to go get her car and put away the groceries the police had taken to her house. When I left her house I forgot to verify to myself that I had shut the outside door, so I continue[d] to worry that I screwed up: left the outside door open (OCD). I had a very bad dream (I rarely if ever "have" dreams) about being in a computer programming job where I was going to be fired for not being able to do the job which I did not undertand but I was trying to pretend I was doing something.
+2021.10.08. First: My environing social surround is mostly [fill in the blank], as previously written: "Scheißestückwelt". Each day I find it more disgusting and repulsive. Second: Bruzina, p. 186: A kind of "natural attitude" is in a way natural and inescapable. But obediencifying tribalizing orthodoxifying (normalitizing) childrearing denatures it to make it be an unnatural kind of "natural" -- i.e.: socially expectedly taken for granted -- attitude: an attitude which is not merely inescapable but, like nature, per se, is unreflectively existent; it causes the child, like a cinderblock, to unreflectively instantiate, not reflectively and self-reflectively observe and judge his (her, other's) surround. This latter kind of "naturalizing attitude" is not inevitable but is the result of gagging the child's helpless little soul on tribalistic semiotic excrement like a goose for foie gras, as I was childreared, not raised up. Mr. Jamie Spears, the pop singer Britney Spears's "daddy" is an FBI Wanted Poster mug shot for this disgusting category of intraworldly existent entities not even one of which should ever have been a live birth. ~ The infant's autochthonous attitude is openness to the world but not being sold on it → or maybe this applies only to a certain species of "gifted" children such as myself and not to those who are of a less highly evolved hominid species that still walks the earth, perhaps in large numbers, unlike other precursor hominid species that have already gone extinct? ~ For the classical Greeks, "[t]he distinction between man and animal [ran] right through the human species itself" (Arendt, 1958, p. 19).
+2021.10.11. Metaphor for Wokies: In physics, white is not a particular color; it is merging all particular colors to produce light which can show each color in its true and comparative hue. If, for instance, black is a beautiful color, then it should show most beautifully in non-tinting white light, not in the distorting coloration of light from any one prejudiced component of the spectrum. Example: How does green display itself in red light? As always: All sheep are the same color in the dark, but none are goats or shepherds.
+2021.10.12. Parable of heavy rocks and blockhead people. Three is a place where I am playing around at digging up rocks and moving them. Some of the rocks are just too heavy and embedded for me to budge, so I leave them alone (MAGAs). Some others are light enough for me to dig out and throw away (like preaching to the choir). Then there are also rocks that are too heavy for me to lift out but that I can budge with a lever and insert a wedge under them to move them a little. Hopefully many blockheaded people are like the budgable heavy rocks.
But even if I am dreaming, I try to be awake (not woke, of course). ~ I gave a small contribution to Wikipedia becuse Wikipdia is constructive and I use it a lot, even if the Wiki app on which it is based is "base" (i.e.: bad computer stuff). ~ Everything I see or listen to now, I try to see if I can detect any cowering groveling to political correctness / wokenes in it ("See! Even though we 'The Met' are a rich white-people's institution funded by surplus value extracted from generations of wage-slaves and we ourselves are living like royalty out of it, we celebrate boyx in the 'hood passing fake $20 USD banknotes in bodegas over dead white males like Galileo and J.S. Bach! Please, angels of neo-McCrathyism without a Joe McCarthy, pass over our house! In nomine patris, filiis et spiritu sanctu or George Floyd or whatever it takes
to mollify all you scum for you superior people of color [Silent aside: some of whom are white bourgeois] to deign to not drive-by shoot us worthless cultured privileged white people, we despise salute platitude you, great activists! ... Woke! Woke! ... [and we pray 5 times a day to Mecca and celebrate Quonset, too!]").
+2021.10.22.1. There is no beginning of the world, only beginning in the world. Being-in the-world cannot end, i.e.:
it cannot end in the world. there cannot be consciousness of consciousness having ended.
+2021.10.27. I had completely forgottten that the word "woke" used to be used in a completely innocuous way: "I woke up this morning and saw the sun rising in the East." -- i.e.: I did not die in my sleep. ~ Such notions as "the motherland" or "the fathrland" or "future generations" or "the greater good [than the individual person]" are metaphysical speculations; only the living here and now, denuded of metaphysical interpretation, is an empirically verifiable certainty. "The living here and now" is the only horse in the only race one can be sure of ("The Truman Show"). ~ "I have proved that God exists!" Well, bully for you, dude: What use can I make of Him? [*α]
+2021.10.27.1. Tautologies are usually useless, except maybe sometimes in mathematics. "A" is "A". Here's my tautology du jour: "I am here to pick up [whatever] for Lisa Pelton: P E L T O N." "Belton? How do you spell that?" " 'P' as in Pelton...."
+2021.11.02. A thing can be an instance of its class in two different ways, although these may be the two end-points of a continuum: (A) Taxonomic, and (b) Honorific. Ontic and deontic, etc. Donald John Trump is a human being in a taonomic sense: he is not a chimpanzee or a cinderblock or a neutron star. Joe Biden is closer to being a human being in an honorific sense: he does not spend his days hurting other people and tweeting Twitter messages that anybody who does not make him feel more grandiose about himself is a loser who should be shunned.
+2021.11.09. After over 50 years trying to disinfect and heal my soul from my destructive childrearending, how many of the thoughts I have are still not my own?
+2021.11.13. "And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them." (Revelation 9:6), quoted in Werner Herzog's film about Gulf War I, "Lessons of Darkness" (1992). Contrast with America's obsession in Fall 2020 about a rogue cop killing a presumptive petty felon who had tried to pass a fake $20 banknote in a bodega.
+2021.11.14. If there is a God, that thing is just one more thing that just happens to exist, like the clog in my bathroom sink drain this morning. I didn't create it. I'm not responsible for it being there. Anybody can say they are anything they want, like that they are God; it's a free country, isn't it? If I had my way I'd fix his ass for all the trouble people say he's caused. I'd make him cook hamburgers forever in a McDonald's fast food restaurant or something. I'd have to think about what he deserved, but that's one candidate.
+2021.11.15. (Previous item cont'd) Is does not imply ought: therefore if
Fog typo, I meant: God exists that does not imply that said deity should exist. Right, all you preachers, priests, imams, ayatollahs, rabbis and rebbis?
+2021.11.17. I never thought about the boys' choir at St. Paul's Day Carcel for Pubescent Male Virgins except-for-don't-ask-don't-tell-sex-for-jocks: From asexual putto to testosterone soaked minotaur, but no gentle sexuality anywhere. I now wonder if the boy who caused the big sex scandal had been in the choir when he was a cherub? The adolts were a bunch of sicko perverts!
+2021.11.18. Why is Martin Luther King 2 the big thing with black people? Why not Malcolm X? I think he might have been more constructive in encouraging black persons to educate and improve themselves. (Aside: I find both King 2 and his son King 3 physically repulsive: they are thick, bloated, and King 2's face looks like it's always greasy from sebaceous gland excretion all over, all the time, like he needs to go thru the car wash. I understand they can't help what they look like, maybe? I'm not convinced either of them was very bright, and King 2 certainly got off on having followers.)
+2021.11.19. Freedom of speech is important, but only derivitively, since censorship usually follows upon what is even more important: freedom of inquiry. Freedom to study everything, not just so say anything. Because if I say my parents, teachers and government are bad and I haven't researched them and other relevant matters, they can plausibly get away with saying I don't know what I am talking about.
+2021.11.24. Reached p. 412 in Bruzina book this day, which is apparently where I got to back in 2005 when my mind/soul was being destroyed by my job and so forth. I hyposthesize this because it's where my underlinings and other markings in the text stop. Today I wonder if I understood any of it back then, but I can't ask that guy about that because he's gone.
+2021.11.26. (More Bruzina, pp. 424-5) I always thought "Cogito ergo sum" was limp, a kind of dead end. Of course groupthink is bad. Only individual persons are conscious of anything, including being conscious of their group that wants to deploy them as human resources. But the Cartesian "I" is not clarified. Is it just another thing in a person's experience, as in the answer to the question: "What are you?" "I am a black person lump", or "I am a #MeToo lump" or whatever kind of noematic object. Contrast: The Man Without Qualities.
+2021.12.06. Do my obsessive-compulsive worries -- the harpies in my head -- also perform a constructive function of keeping my thinking anchored in "reality? In "Stuffed", Patricia Volk speaks of a relative who purposely kept a pebble in his shoe to help him keep alert to his situation, which is different (he chose to have the pebble in his shoe), but perhaps also similar? [What my concern is about avoiding]
+2021.12.08. Often I will speed up to drive thru a yellow light and think I just barely made it. And what do I see in my rear view mirror? Another car that came through behind me. I think this is evidence why I could not be a corporate executive; I'm way too conservative or something.
+2021.12.09. I never bought the crap about "Mimesis" in school. I either could not or was not turned on to understand what is was about except it did not smell good to me. (Anything teaches liked was bad until proven otherwise; weren't they imitations of life?) Meaningful art is not copycatting. Cats don't copy anybody or anything. Authentic art imag[in]es something that never was and perhap never will be, for instance, the Kronstadt sailors winning (see Sergei Eisenstein's silent movie "The Battleship Potemkin").
+2021.12.18. Each new day brings me new and unimagined revelations of how badly I was ignoranced and misled by my social surround of origin. My parents were victims. If my perp school masters and their head master were victims too, then so also were: Adolf Hitler and Heinrich Himmler and Josef Mengele victims because they presumably were traditionally childreared too. As Odysseus replied to the Polyphemus after he [Odysseus] had put out the mentally retarded monster's one eye and the monster asked who did it: "Nemo did it" → nobody did it. The invisible hand needs to be amputated; the sins of the fathers have to be stopped because they will not stop themselves from reproducing themlseves [ both the sins and the fathers too, of course].
+2021.12.18..1 I was sendenced at birth to a life sentence in the social class of people who are brought into this world to believe stuff. I should have been in the class of persons who cook up the stuff for the people to believe. I would ave been good at it, I think, or, if I proved too stupid or lazy (like rich kids who waste their youth playing sports), then they could have sent me back to prison.
+2021.12.19. What's the big deal about proving the exitence of Something that's not any good? Any dolt can add an extra 'o' between the 'G' and the 'd' to turn "God" into "Goood" but that does not prove He/She/It/Other is good. As always in rational thinking: is does not imply ought. Right, rebbe, imam, other? (Dirty old [or not so old...] men....)
+2021.12.26. A family Xmas gathering, A young relative from England and his girlfriend were there. I have never seen any young women with such a -- I don't know how to describe it -- taut body, an effect compounded by the fact tht she was a small packet ("petite" would be only volumetrically applicable). For some reason or lack of same, people were talking at one point about cross-bows. Her body looked as taut as a cocked cross bow's string. I'm sure she gets sex from her boyfriend. Her body would be a more than usually terrible thing to waste if she lived among celibaterians who get off on making young persons just say no to sex. Her face was not exactly beautiful but it was taut too (maybe a bit like a cheetah cat's with slightly Margaret Keane eyes? ut it took an effort to look away from what was below it, and of course her clothes wer skin tight), and her voice sharply "punctuated"; they perfectly matched. I wondered if that body could have had any other face; it seemed a perfect fit. A "soft' woman's face like Claudia Cardinale or Monica Vitti would have seemed like it had been grafted onto of that body. How well will her body "age"? She was not "muscular", just "tight" (not "up tight"!). ~ As Dr. [given name forgotten] Franco at the Pennsylvania State University Health Department told me in 1968: "Your place in life is something other than to be successful with women.: This young lady's boyfriend is above average", but not the next Noam chomsky or Anthony Fauci (or Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. or John F. Kennedy or Arnold Schwartzenegger or anything else special, although he seems to think pretty highly of himself but probably not a pathological narcissist, and with such a good "catch", why not?).
+2022.01.01. There is a jerk, probably an ex-jock in a television ad for some kind of cryprocurrency who belches out of his oral orifice that ever since the time of the Romans: "Fortune favors the brave." This is hagiographic rubbish. Fortune favors the prepared. Fortune also favors: the rich, the beautiful, the clever, the con artists and other sociopaths. Of course, if you have some such primary advantage, it secondarily helps immensely to be brave also. But wimps feeding rounds into machine guns will beat heroic Crusaders every time until they run out of ammo.
+2022.01.01.1. How medical treatment should go: Patient: "Gee, I guess Prince Philip gets better care or at least more TLC here in hospital than I do?" Doctor: "No, Sir. The only thing he gets which you don't are armed guards outside his hospital room door to give him extra protection from potential assassins."
+2022.01.03. Ukraine? What about the Cuban Missile Crisis? I've been listening to Youtube videos of lectures by Vladimir Pozner and John Mearscheimer. I feel I've been "had" by The New York Times and CNN. ~ Universal values? I want them for me. But let other people harm themselves as long as they don't hurt me. Mr. Socrates, please enjoy your special afternoon aperitif, but I want none of it or of you, Sir. Be a lighthouse and let ships at sea ignore you if they so wish.
+2022.01.03.1. Back in the 1970s or whenever, people protested in the streets in USA about Nuclear Weapons and the threat to human species life on earth. Today they protest about a petty felon bring killed by a rogue cop, and the impact of "systemic racism". Which is more important: nuclear holocaust or "systemic racism"? The rogue cop in question is now in prison. Thousands of thermochear bombs remain at large today. So what?
+2022.01.03.1.1. Which is more important and honorable today: (A) to be a distinguished service professor at the University of Chicago, or (B) to be a petty felon passing a countnterfeit $20 USD banknote in a Minneapolis Minnesota bodega? Pick one.
+2022.01.07. The student is the consumer. Is the teacher the seller, or the robber? Can I convince you to learn what I am teaching, i.e.: Can I entice you to buy the product I am selling? Or: Get a good grade or you won't have a good future, i.e.: Your money or your life! I would like to learn something; you want to extract a good grade out of me. Isn't a basic condition for a free market that the buyer does not have to buy and the seller does not have to sell? If you have a monopoly you can charge any price you want. If I have a consumer boycott you have to capitulate to my demands or go out of business.
+2022.01.11. Each new day I become more intolerant of dolt people and refractory physical objects. Increasing libertion of my spirit from childhood repression? Or incipient Alzheimer's or other dementia? Also disgnostically minor but OCD /toxic introject / esthetically troubling flaws in my body.
+2022.01.20. I experienced a dream which I recall. I rarely recall a dream. I had a sore where the perineum is. Anatomy not realistic; no sex organs in sight. The sore is an open wound, about 2 inches square and 2 inches deep. I could see the flesh at the bottom, like what a surgeon sees after cutting the flesh open maybe in the abdomen (redish pink/purple and shiny moist). An open wound. Somehow whatever I originally had had split open in healing up intead of being well behaved. I was somewhat concerned. It did not seem to be infected or going to be. I do not like going to doctors but I showed it to a doctor and she was nothighly concerned (maybe the doctors were too busy with Covid patients?) but scheduled an appointment for a doctor to look at. I bent over and she showed it to another doctor (a man), and he was not very concerned about it. I think I tried to pinch it shut but clearly that was not going to work, Might it heal up leaving a hole in my body 2 by 2 by 2 inches, or would it slowly close up? I do not much believe in "the interpretation of dreams". Some possibilities: (1) It could recall when the mole which ruined my life got finally cut out and the flesh did spread apart when the stitches were taken ou but is did not make a hole. (2) I would like to be a female. But tthe wound looked nothing like a vagina. More like a small geological sink hole. (3) TThe dream was advising me to live with the things that bother me in my body and that they was not anything to fear gettting sick from (the wound was not getting infected. (4) I am going to have another colonoscopy in a few weeks.
+2022.01.20.1. For The Reader, banknotes have a higher purpose: to be bookmarks.
+2022.01.23. The rose roses. The baththb bathtubs. The automobile automobiles. An automobile starts or fails to start. A bathtub does not start or fail to start; the bathtub holds water or leaks. The automobile does not hold water or leak. Is everything full of souls? For the dolts things are just nouns: lumps of lump stuff. The dolts are not just nouns. They are verbs: they cause trouble, such as poking thier noses ito kids' sex lives. If only they wereonly nouns: pillars of salt, they would not cause trouble but then they would not produce surplus value either. Life is not fair.
+2022.01.29. "The ships were too big ever to return to port" → Sounds like me; I could never fit back where I came from.
+2022.01.30. Finished Heidegger's 1943 lectures on Heraclitus. The ending is incredible with its talk about "the Germans" and the generation in its 40s and 50s who H. says "have learned to think essentially" -- have learned? to be Nazis? This is as bad as "Black lives matter".
+2022.01.31. Me have sympathy for #MeToo-ers? Like a starving person having to put up with a bunch of bulemics. ~ And, again, about the people getting off on lynching statues of Thomas Jefferson. Don't complain about people being better than you; complain about you not being as good as them. Demand a hand up, not drive them into bankruptcy by sucking reparations out of them. A person you have draagged down into the mud can't reach a hand down to give you a hand up, can he?
+2022.01.31.1. It's not the dog's fault that she is not a cat.
+2022.02.04. Discipline over matter. Outline over disputation (Peter Ramus). In 11th grade I tried to reduce Albert Camus' argument why not kill oneself to a deductive proof instead of carefully studying the nuances of being mortal. Why? Because the only thing I knew was taking courses which had preorganized content. "My teachers", i.e.: the teaches I was subjected to but had never asked for, never said such things as: "Look, attend to things. Do not try to draw conclusions. Try to enrich your perspective...." They were ignorancing me; that's how they acquired their biweekly paycheck or maybe it was cash envelopes back then. The adolts.
+2022.02.04.1. To touch what is right (e.g.: firm smooth flesh) soothes me; to touch what is not right (e.g.: a pimple that I cannot cleanly and crisply pick out and get rid of) annoys and distracts me from fitting living. The story of my less-than-life has been wasting much time (life) being thus annoyed by what should not exist. Sometimes I try to trick myself into adapting, which is disgusting and so forth. Satan get thee hence!
+2022.02.05. All the lumpen banalities of the banal lumpen people++ have to have come from some creative person's insight some time in the past, because the lumpen do not create anything but just keep repeating their lumpen over and over again (reproduction of individual and species life). Of course, like Robert Venturi, they sometimes decorate their lumpens, smearing one kind of lumpen over another to make it be a "differenet" lumpen which is just the propinquitization of two lumpens. The lumpe peoplen are to human beings as rust is to iron. Sometimes they paint over some of the rust and it looks pretty, as in women's "makeup".
+2022.02.05.1. Heidegger, "Heraclitus", p. 192. Is Heraclitus's λογος "the conversation we are"?
+2022.02.06. More Heidegger (per: +2022.02.05.1): He keeps talking about "the human". Not: "I", "you", "we", "they". Maybe that is diagnostic of his problem? Substitute personal pronouns for the depersonalized noun and then we can constructively reuse a lot of what he writes? Is it a short distance from "the human" to the gas chambers of The Final Solution? A short distance form obeying Being, to obeying a Fuhrer 卐 as embodiment of Being? Does Heidegger ever ask: "How do we judge Being? Is Being any good for me, or for you, or not?" Etcetera.
+2022.02.08. A naive person says: "The sunset is beautiful." A more self-reflectively aware person might say something like: "I judge that the whole configuration of my judgment of the scene of sunset which I judged to be beautiful and my judging that judgment here and now to be beautiful is beautiful." Judico ergo sum.
+2022.02.11. If dogmatists will admit that to err is human, then they must avow that everything they say can be wrong. ~ Hi, rebbes and ayatollahs! Do you defecate? Can I watch, please, pretty please! I'll pay you 25 cents for the show!
+2022.02.13. To what extent am I the captain of my soul as opposed to listening to the muse (or not)? Isn't the very word the big elephant hiding in the middle of the room: re-presentation. I manage my re-presentations (once I've got something I can fetch it again....); the original pre-sent-ations come to me from that "elsewhere" which is no where.
+2022.02.19. The latest affirmative action metoo absurdity: People complaining that DNA from a rape kit should not be used to identify the woman as a suspect for having committed a crime. If the woman did not commit any crime how could it do anything except exonerate her in case of false accusation? How low can we sink into self-righteous wokism? Of course if I was "a person of color", I'd work white guilt for all I could. Why not take advantage of loopholes?
+2022.02.28. I've heard it said that little boys want to be like daddy. One of the most disgusting things I every heard was a little boy who got circumcised and was now proud to look like his daddy. I never had any interest in being or looking anything like my father, whose body I found at least mildly repulsive. I think he was in the 6'0" 180+ pound walrus class.
+2022.03.02. Thinking more about he muzikshit the adolts inflicted on me to teach me to play the piano: Thompson's Method and "Anchors away my goys....". ←Oops, sorry, typo in that last word there. Especially the latter: They must have thought was another small male child like they were used to who would want to be a sailor and wear a sailor suit and what else the shit? Little boys who ike to hit each other with their little fists; little dead-heroes-to-be in their next war to make. Disgusting low lifes.
+2022.03.10. My parents were poor. My father had to work very hard to rise into the middle class. But my perp school teaches were so rich they had time to waste each afternoon goading kids to head butt in body-contact athletics. That's how they spent their free time: making young males into "young men": minotaurs. Why couldn't they encourage them to bugger each other or something else good (or did they? I'll never know since I never went in the locker room)? Falstaff, Sir, lots of yummy food for powder, here! Every day the teaches wasted their lives wasting young boys' lives, and oh what fun it was for them to be middle aging males: Ride 'em, prigs! Mr. Thomas Longstreth looked like he was always out to lunch; Why couldn't I have had sex with his wife who was rumored to be mentally dysfunctional all day in his faculty provided house near the library that had been designed by the math teacher
what was his name Mr. Williams? He seemed to be not a bad person and I don't think he coached athletics; he ~coached~ mechanical drawing in the afternoons instead of head-butting. Head Honcho S. Atherton Middleton☏ ["S" for: "Shithead"?] got off on collecting tuition money out of kids' parents. But I do feel sorry he got throat cancer which I think even back in those medieval times of the early 1960's CE -- medieval in his school (and everywhere else that was part of the "In loco parentis" empire), that is -- he was cured of it; Not even such a loathsome creature as him or Adolf Hitler deserved to get cancer, although he should have castrated himself and ate his genitals at his desk in his office in the Brooklandwood mansion in the morning, and given his perma-virgin secretary Miss Lillian Lorenz a bite. At least one of my masters had not been genitally cut: Mr. Dietrich Eric Otto von Schwertner, who coached wrestling and one time I seem to recall I got a glimpse of his penis? Please, General Lemay: Bomb this wretched place: [39.4324433, -76.6766731]. Pretty please!
+2022.03.10.1. To my great embarrassment, it says on my school yearbook page that the person I was at that time "espoused laisssez faire capitalism". If that does not show how ignoranced a piece of shit I was! Any port in a storm! But parts of the school's campus were pretty -- so long as no people were around: Click here for example.
+2022.03.11. The medium is the message. The best way to lie to people is with truth: message truths that hide the truth of the medium. Russia is killing people in Ukraine hiding that American foreign pressured them to do it. Mr. Zelensky's sob story playing on the sentimentality of Western bleeding hearts and the expansionism of the neoconservatives. Russian propaganda "Z" obviously means: Z-elensky, who is a very dangerous man: drowning because he jumped in deep water but can't swim, and addicted to the fatal drug of patriotism and his self-selected self-serving investment in it → he needs to go back to television where maybe he can hawk used ZAZs.
+2022.03.12. In time of war, a wise man becomes a celibate priest (even better: a monk) because masturbating is better than the price you pay for having sex with a woman who sends you to die in a war for her and your child. Conducting memorial services is a pretty safe day job, too, isn't it?
+2022.03.13. Ukraine and USA are bitching about Mr. Putin bringing foreign troops into Ukraine and then we also bitch about Russia bombing a base in Ukraine where there were USA troops "welcoming" foreigners who want to fight for Mr. Z. My country right or wrong. any wonder Mr Kennedy does not want Soviet missiles in Cuba -- Oops, typo: Any wonder why Mr. Putin does not want Americans in Ukraine? Why can't Mr. Zelensky die of a massive heart attack or cerebral hemorrhage last night so he can have become a dead hero like he is egging everybody else on to become?
+2022.03.13.1. George Orwell in 1984 which all good political conservatives love because it is anti-communist wrote: "War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength." Where did we hear that kind of double-think before: "My country right or wrong." Quack!
+2022.03.14. People are stupid. Everybody says that Archimedes said that given a place to stand he could move the earth with a lever. This is true, theoretically. But they fail to add: He would not move it far because the principle of the lever is that leverage is weight times distance, so a single man would have to move himself maybe 100,000 miles to move the earth one inch. That is simply not practical, is it? Consolation prize: They can be brave and get themselves killed in battle.
+2022.03.15. My guess is that Mr. Zelensky is mentally limited and uneducated and his uncouthness feeds into being a patriot because he is bigoted [fanatical patriotism is a form of bigotry], ignorant and has no higher cultural values. I think it was on The BBC that I found he said something about some British comedian "being easier to understand than Monty Python". His public self-presentation reeks of white trash like my father's father tried to blackjmail my father to get money out of him when my father rose into the middle class through very hard work. If Mr. Zelensky was not dangerous he might just be a lout and, if he was in America, maybe a MAGA. ~ As a child Mr. Zelensky probably was a "boys will be boys": he probably had no interest in school except to get together with other little "boys will be boys" boys and pummel other boys with their fists and to be like his father who was probably also uncouth. Mr. Putin is not so far off in seeing him as a Nazi, especially the kind of unskilled laborer beer hall slobs from which the National Socialist Party initially recruited.
+2022.03.16. Mr. Zelensky is holding the people of Ukraine and all the rest of us hostage for his selfish patriotic war. If he does not like the Russians, he should have left Ukraine and come to the land of the free and the home of the brave (USA) where he could be a MAGA or whatever himself, instead of making a lot of trouble for everybody else. A reason he is disgusting even if did not wield political power is because he is uncouth, ignorant and stupid in-your-face. He even made a joke in Britain about some British comedian being "easier to understand than Monty Python." He is proud to be ignorant and stupid! All he understands is blind patriotism: my country right or wrong. Mr. Zelensky is one of the "boys who will be boys" who were in the public elementary school I attended who did not want to learn anything, who just liked to pummel each other with their fists. Mr. Zelensky is sucking all America's bleeding heart liberal non-combatants: the Khashoggi and Navalny lovers💗, into his lost cause war cesspool. The worst part of it is everybody is worshipping him as a hero instead of being being nauseous that he is killing people with his either benighted or cynical or both selfish patriotism. Uncouth males like him get off on being patriotic because they are oafish territorial pack animals driven by uncontrolled hormones who have nothing higher to live for than blood and soil; they are not self-accountable civilized persons (castrating Mr. Zelensky might be a start at improving things). Mr. Zelensky is a lout who has made out. I have nobody to talk to because all the 2-legged sheep around me have drank his Kool-Ade and find my evidence-basd opinions offensive: They ideate in their ignorance of history [Item: the Cuban missile crisis] that I should be encouraging Mr. Biden to provide this selfish troublemaker with air cover to help drag us down maybe even into a thermonuclear World War III. People do not think, Mr. Zelensky does not value life. The way to stop the bloodshed in Ukraine is to stop Mr. Zelensky, not piously carp about how bad Mr. Putin is for reacting badly to the bad situation Mr. Zelensky caused. Please, Mr. Zelensky, take a plane out of Ukraine to any country that will put up with you, or go back where you came from: into the television.
+2022.03.19. How catastrophizing can cause me trouble: I go to the gas station to get gas for the car. I am infuriated that Asshole in Ukraine Zelensky has caused the price of gas to rise from about $3.50 to $4.50 per gallon but now it's down to $4.30 thank God. There are two service lanes at the gas station: one for cars with the fuel hole in the right side and one for it on the left. I see a long line. I immediately assume it's in the lane I want because things are almost always what I don't want them to be and I wish all these people would just not exist, especially the one who got there just in front of me so if he had been a few seconds later he would not be part of my problem. So I go around the back of the gas station and come out the front thinking, by going in the opposite direction, to use the opposite lane from the one I would normally use and find I: All the cars are in the lane I did not want, and my lane is empty. So I make a very tight circle into my lane, pull up to the first pump and start getting the gas which would be less expensive if Mr. Zelensky had never been born or having had the misfortune to be born, to have gone back swiftly whence he came (a line out of context from Sophocles). Had I not assumed the worst to begin with, I might have seen ab initio that my lane was open. In this way my catastrophizing caused me trouble. The solution? For everything in this world to be what it should be and not give me any reason to fear it might cause me trouble. Everything should invite me to experience joy in using it. Then I would not need to operate in preventive-defensive mode. It would be that simple.
+2022.03.20. Parents and preachers think they can socially condition a child. They can, only if the child buys into it. But what they are really doing is limiting the child's world to a certain "vector space". A flatlander has no clue about the third dimension. So far so good, i.e., so bad. But the child (as in my case) may gag on what they ae trying to stuff down the kid's throat. Even then, they have socially conditioned the child (to the misfortune of the helpless child). But they have not accomplished the conditioning wanted. They wanted the child to buy into what they were selling him. He (she, other) can respond by choking on it and vomiting it back up. Antisexual prigs can childrear more antisexual prigs, or their indoctrination can result in a child who is a rabid God-hater. What the child cannot likely do is enjoy his (even more likely: her) genitals. because he doesn't have a clue that he has anything potentially enjoyable in his days. His successfully socially conditioned father may distract him by teaching him how to pummel other boys with his fists, which is highly socially useful in preparing the boy to kill enemies on the battlefield and beat competitors in business. ~ How is noncompliance possible if the child only knows what he is being socially conditioned to believe? To reject social conditioning does not require the child to know anything other than what he is being socially conditioned to believe, not anything different. It's just affixing a negation sign to it. And the social conditioners let that cat out of the bag the first time they told the child to do something. Oops! the problem remains that the child has been denied knowledge that anything better or diffeent is possible, so he (esp.: me) is still a prisoner of ritual, just now an unhappy prisoner.
+2022.03.22. I won the monkey test! Not exactly. The test is you put something the monkey wants in a jar with a hole in the top just big enough for the monkey to get his hand down inside but not wide enough for him to get his hand out holding the precious item. Then you threaten the monkey with death if he does not flee and the monkey sometimes wants his precious thing too much. Mine the reverse: A self-sealing packet with treats in it but I can't get it open no matter how hard I try to pry it open from the top. Then I had a big idea: Pull the whole pouch apart beneath the seal → and then the sealed top came open very easily. I didn't get stuck trying to do what was preventing me from doing it.
+2022.03.22.1. Example how intellectually deprived I (BMcC[18-11-46-503]) was: I remembered the ditty: "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't Fuzzy, was he?" And I recalled the only meaning I had for the last two words were asking if Fuzzy was fuzzy. I didn't see the second meaning that Fuzzy Wuzzy himself was not himself Fuzzy Wuzzy. (Well then who the hell was he?)
+2022.03.23. Compute how close your eyeball has to be to a mouse in order for the mouse to totally hide a big elephant a few feet behind the little mouse. (It's simple trigonometry, I think.)
+2022.03.26. Just like it was fun to watch Donald Trump's Atlantic City Casino Hotel get imploded in real time on the computer, it would be highly satisfying to have watched the prig Headmaster of the prep school I attended, S. Atherton Middleton get castrated in real time and enjoy having his just rewards for lunch, although obviously the Casino Hotel was prettier but you cannot have everything in this vale of tears.
+2022.03.27. Bon mot of the day: My parents were part of the package. Finally I think I have found a description for what they were: "part of the package". Please return to sender. Not so fast, BMcC[18-11-46-503]! The replacement parts might have been even worser. Sad, obviously.
+2022.03.29. Q: Where does all the sob story crap in war about "civilians" and "women and children" come from? A: Dolt males, the limits of whose imaginative life is fantasies of being Crusaders who dulce et decorum est pro patria mori, saving damsels in distress. I, as an intellectual, should be included in the protected group. And persons in the protected group, especially sexually attractive females, should not be goading those not included in their proper subset of living humans to kill each other. Women who shed maudlin sentimentality tears over the men they send go off to war are disgusting. Either they should themselves take up arms or they should hide their men from the recruiters ("No, Officer, there are no men in this house; they have all long since gone off to fight for truth, justice and the American way, Sir."). I understand the recoil from an M-16 would not hurt Ophelia's fainting flower shoulder, but the recoil from the come hither look of a 2-legged judas goat can lead a man to be slaughtered ("How would you like your husband [son?], Madam, baked, broiled or fried? He's coming back to you in the next shipment of meat from the front. Do you have a freezer? There will be lots of steaks and burgers to freeze, Madam." "<'s'pan style="background-color:lightyellow;">Boo! hoo! .... ~ Don't cry, my child, daddy is coming home for dinner tomorrow.").
+2022.03.31. Mental dwarfs gloat like chimpanzees jumping up and down in their cage for a banana when they find that a great mind has failed to cross an 'i' or dot a 't'(sic). Go team! ~ Since it would be poitically(sic) incorrect to recommend extermination of vermin, they should just be subjected to retroactive birth control.
+2022.03.31.1. Listening to Noam Chomsky on Youtube, I feel I really do live in a different and far worse world than he lives in, and all my argumentation here is like trying to do complex arithmetic with roman numerals instead of arabic numbers. This should not have been done to me.
+2022.04.02. I never liked Joe Biden much but he was OK when he was dealing with domestic social welfare issues. But now with Ukraine, I just see him as sending me to die in Ukraine to make that uncouth man Mr. Zelensky happy. Mr Biden is proud to be a patriot: he's that small a person, like St. Paul's School for Boys's current head of school who belches about being committed to developing each student's unique abilities but/and is also proud to cheer "a little loud" at group head-butting contests. Small people.
+2022.04.03. Individuality as conformity. You have a society which is rabidly anti-communist. Huge rewards are given for killing commies. One individual stands out: He kills commies by hundreds. He is a unique individual. Everybody else is in awe of his uniqueness. He has perfectly conformed to his society's objective of fighting communism to the utmost, but he sees himself as a unique individual which is in a way true, since everybody else has trouble even killing one commie. Clearly he and they have very little in common although they also have everything in common in a different way. Nobody thinks about the medium, but only about the message. Nobody asks: "Should we be killing any commies in the first place?" They only ask: "How can we, and in particularly, I myself, kill more commies? I want to stand out as an individual, not just be like most all the other people who don't accomplish anything in their lives: they never even kill one commie. Slugs." Super commie killer takes you under his wing and compliments you: "You are special; you have killed 5 commies. Way to go, man! You are the difference! People don't measure up like you, my friend, do they?" Super commie killer, in addition to all his other rewards, gats to be a shepherd of all the sheep even though he is just being a well behaved herd animal himself like everybody else, but in a different way.... The medium is hiding in plain sight, suffusing every message. What's a "medium"? Q: Is super commie killer herding himself, and, if yes, in what way?
+2022.04.04. People, who are not necessarily persons, have always piously mouthed off about forgiving your (my) parents etcetera and so forth. So here we go: "I forgive myself for having been childreared by benighted parents. I forgive myself for having been socially conditioned by adolt school teachers. I forgive myself for being my own enemy due to what they did to me. I forgive myself for having to put up with people who have no respect for me, cannot understand me nor, a fortiori, value (appreciate and respect) me. I forgive myself for having to put up with people who say I should forgive my parents for what they did to me. I forgive myself for having to live among persons I cannot respect, such as Messrs. Biden and Zelenzky. I forgive myself for not having the strength of character to have no need for human companionship." That's a lot to forgive, and it's not easy!
+2022.04.06. As a teenager I came to the conclusion, based upon experience of my chlidrearing by [fill in the blank] people, that because I was intelligent I could not have sexual gratification. If I had been childreared by persons who were liberally educated, would they have taught me by experience that because I was intelligent I should not have sexual gratification?
+2022.04.07. I had dream of which I remember only one thing: I was looking at the roof of my nextdoor neighbor's house. There was at least one spot on the edge of the roof that looked like a tin can which had been pried open with a crowbar, like twisted metal. What more trouble is that peevish disgusting little man in Ukraine who should never have been born, Mr. Zelensky, causing today?
+2022.04.07.1. Had I been suicidal as a child and why shouldn't I have been due to being stuck in such a social surround? if my parents or school teachers had found out they would almost certainly just have made matters worse, maybe by trying harder and getting mind f*ckers -- child psychiatrists -- to normalize me to be like them who were the source of my problems. If you do not completely succeed in destroying the child's soul in the course of your regular daily activities, focus your endeavors on doing a better job of it and bring in reinforcements. Crush that damned cockroach!
+2022.04.08. People's socially conditioned squeamishness about their turds has throughout my less-than-life had one small benefit for me: When I get in a stall with a latchable door in a public "men's room", they have generally left me alone with my excrement, but also with a book I bring in with me and my thoughts. Husserl and shit on one side, 2-legged-sheep on the other side of the toilet stall door.
+2022.04.09. The annals of invisible elephants in the middle of small rooms. Some shithead on the news happily chirps about the launching of an Elon Musk owned rocket with four people to the International Space Station as a step forward toward: "the commercialization of low earth orbit", like this was something good! The McDonaldsization of low earth orbit! Zillions of discarded Big Mac and Happy Meal packages zooming around everywhere along with throwaway plastic knives, forks and spoons at 18,000 mile per hour, almost assuring that if some scientists want to put a telescope in low earth orbit because they can't afford to go to L-3 or the moon, it will get space junk in its eye. What am I bid for a McDonald's franchise on the Sea of Tranquility?
+2022.04.13. "The Beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you." (B.B. King) False. My last job did exactly that.
+2022.04.13.1. Ref. and most of the words lost. An authoritarian state is where you can think pretty much what you want as long as you don't advocate regime change. Totalitarianism is where you get thrown in a reeducation internment facility for expressing deviant ideas and you are supposed to spy on your neighbors. Question: Can the anarcho-syndicalists get 0.2% of the vote in an authoritarian state but get locked in in a totalitarian state? St. Paul's Day Carcel for Pubescent Male Virgins except-for-don't-ask-don't-tell-sex-for-jocks was apparently authoritarian: students were supposed to be informers and machos. But I was not coerced to engage in public single gender aim inhibited homosexuality in their "locker room" and tolerated to theoretically oppose school spirit so long as I didn't do anything about it. But when in their yearbook I captioned a picture of their budding young minotaurs "We are the hollow men" and the class picture of the class brown-nosser: "If a man has no character he must have a method", that crossed the line of being an act which threatened the regime. It would not have gone well for me at my star chamber trial had I asked them to follow Jesus's example and have their Headmaster wash my feet. Every day is a winding road.... (Sheryl Crow)
+2022.04.15. Better dead than red? If I had lived in the Soviet Union, could I have gotten a doctorate in Marxist-Leninism? Maybe with a dissertation on Abraham Lincoln's idea that wage labor differed from slavery in being a temporary not a permanent condition? Could that have even got me permission to go to the United States to study archives, obviously with no intention of staying there. Has anybody done a study of how much better it is to be an illegal migrant farm laborer in the U.S. than to be a worker on a collective farm in U.S.S.R.?
+2022.04.21. New company: "Free Markets Я Us": "You invent it and we'll find a way to make everybody need it." (...irrespective of what their needs are, of course.) ~ Monthly publication: "The Demographic Profiler".
+2022.04.22. Working hard versus working smart. I want to move a big dead tree limb. So I spend half an hour trying hard to saw through it and still cannot dislodge it from its root. Then, by accident, in trying to bend it to snap it at the incision point, I notice that pushing it a certain way is breaking it at the root with little effort. Half hour working hard and still failure. Thirty seconds working smart and success. Half an hour wasted except to get material to illustrate this point.
+2022.04.23. Juan is to Evita as Ron is to Velveeta.
+2022.04.27. My parents and school teachers did not care the cash value of shit left over after collecting a fecal specimen from it for labortatory anal-ysis, about my experiencing any sexual or even just esthetic pleasure. My parents did not have a clue about anything higher than a split-level; my school teaches should be more culpable since they had college degrees but they got off on egging pubescent males on to group single gender homoerotically aim-inhiited body-blocking nudity (varsity tackle football and lacrosse à la locker room). I have a now 40 year old freeeze dried dessicated lemon which has always had more inside it than the HeadMaster of St. Paul's School for Boys seems to have had inside his skull bone. This waste of space and time and electrons and protons and neutrons finally died in 1982, at least 2 billions years after he should have died but lots of people associated with the school not me seemed to have liked this noematic correlate better warm and squirming than as coprolite.
+2022.04.29. I need a large mailing envelope to protect a book I want to carry with me. I found a mailer that looked hopeful. But its padding made its internal dimension too small. The world failed me yet again. The world is a failure. The people whose failures have failed me don't like hearing what they are.
+2022.05.05. I need to live in a perfect world. But that is not possible. What my social surround could have done is (1) minimize the disappointments, (2) maximize the good stuff, and (3) have affirmed my feelings and consoled me for every least little thing what was not perfect which they lacked the power to make right.
+2022.05.06. An iron law of social existence: You can have what you want only if two conditions are met: (1) You give society what society wants out of you, and (2) What you want is something society wants you to be able to have. And always be attentive to say "Please" and "Thsnk you" to your society, and sincerely mean it with all your heart and soul to be willing to sacrifice your life and everything subordinate to it for your society's least whim. You don't know how lucky you are to not live in any other society in which, except for our allies, you would be oppressed and miserable!
+2022.05.14. People fantasize about having "superpowers". I would like the power to turn dogs into cats. And, or course, to turn prudes into prunes.